Ding dong the witch is dead!

So I had this really cool thing planned out for today but when I went to go to the store to get some ding dongs I couldn't find any. Not only that but I forgot what ding dongs looked like because I haven't had one in more than 10 years...I think.

So that plan got shot down like a duck during the hunting season.

Instead of that I decided I would just update those that read this on my emotional battles with my body.

Most people have the New Years resolution to lose those pounds packed on during the holiday season but don't get bent out of shape about the food they ate and the way their clothes fit.

Over the holiday season I gained a whopping 20 pounds which was almost half the weight I'd lost over 2 years. I have 2 major fears; gaining back the weight that I'd worked so hard to lose, and losing a loved one.

With all the fears I've gotten over these two still plague my mind almost every day, and from gaining those 20 pounds it launched me back into my depression. I'm doing okay now and I'm down 5 pounds from the beginning of this year, but I still felt and sometimes feel like a failure due to those pounds that have hung over my head.

I decided around mid September that for my sisters birthday I would do a photo shoot that my friend was working on. Through it I've gone to my sisters house and hung out with her, which is something new. When she and I lived together we didn't get along much unless she was dressing me up. Most of the time I was the brat of a younger sister that I'm trying desperately not to be anymore, and the time I've spent with her has really been cool. I love that we are both adults now and that we have the opportunity to live close together and spend time together.

It's a blessing, and through my brother hurting his knee and me wanting to do everything I can to make him feel better I've gotten closer to him as well.

This post had no real direction but I wanted to write down my overwhelming gratitude over the little things I've gotten to take part in over the past few days. It shocks me sometimes that I can be SO sad over something stupid like body image when I am given so many good memories with my family and friends.

I guess what I'm saying is that my positive thing for the day is that I have amazing friends and an even more amazing family.