Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Goal Club

I'm at work right now, and it is SLOW! Thankfully I have the internet to keep me entertained.  It's been an interesting couple of months.  I know the last post was beyond pathetic, and I'll be honest; things haven't really changed much. 

I'm still having a lot of issues being able to control what I eat, and a boat load of problems with seeing myself as beautiful.  Both of which lead me to feel even more sorry for myself. 

The bright side is that I've started going back to the gym.  It's difficult sometimes.  When I went to the gym before I injured my hip I was able to run 8 miles, and push myself for 2 hours everyday, and I know it isn't like riding a bike where you can just jump back into it.  Even though I know that I get discouraged when I can't do the things I used to.

At the beginning of me going back to the gym I couldn't even run a mile without getting winded, and to think of staying at the gym for even an hour was overwhelming.  Now it's better.  I've got back to running 2 miles easily, and I'm at the gym 3 times a week for an hour.  It's weird to see how fast my body is adjusting to working out.  I thought it would be harder when I first started up again.

I can't believe how amazing our bodies are.  It's funny that I can see all the amazing things about bodies in general, and yet I have a hard time loving mine.

I have strong legs that allow me to run, I have functioning lungs, and the ability to see.  I have a voice that I can sing with, hands that I can play instruments with, and I have the ears to hear all the nice things that my friends and family say about me.  I have arms to hug the ones I love, and the list goes on and on.

In my dreamworld, no one cares about the appearance of other people.  Sadly I tend to see it all over the internet, I hear about it in the news about kids bullying others, and unfortunately I see it in myself.  My view of others is really a view of myself and my insecurities.  I feel like if I could wipe myself from judgement that I would in turn wipe myself of my self-judgement. 

I often ask why I do this to myself, and part of me feels like it's because somewhere in my future there is going to be some master plan where I help tons of people through my experiences.  That in itself is overwhelming, but I feel like it's true.  Deep in my heart I feel like if I can get my story out it will help others, and myself. 

I just don't know how to do it. 

I especially don't know how to make myself happy so how could I help others?  I mean, I'm sitting here at a job that I loathe, and find that I cope with it by binging, and then feeling like my day is ruined, and then hoping that I can just make it to the gym to work off the mistake I made.

I don't know if others feel this way, but I wonder if I feel this way because I don't take the time to do the things I love anymore.  

I want to challenge myself and, whoever is still reading, I'd like to challenge you.

Each week I want to come up with something I want to work on.  Feel free to do this with me, and in the comments I would love to hear about how you're doing.  It could be like a book club but where we choose something we want to work on, and then use the comment section as a place to update each week.

So if you are interested in this, and you feel like it might be a good way to get motivated, leave a comment telling me what you want to work on this week.

Since this is a Wednesday I'm going to make it start today and go until next Saturday.

The goal for me is that I want to make a healthy food plan for each day and stick to it. 

How about you?