Starting the year off right.

I have lived in this house for almost 10 years. For half my life I have looked at the same walls, furniture, carpets, and practically everything in my house day in and day out. To say it's gotten tiring, and somewhat bland would be an understatement. I've planned on remodeling my bedroom for quite some time but unfortunately need to save my money for my fabulous backpacking trip. So I was doing it in installments but the remodeling came to halt when I didn't have time to do it.

Today I don't have to work until 5 so in light of my need for change my mom and I filled a bucket full of hot soapy water, grabbed some scrapers, and began to strip the wallpaper off the kitchen walls. I was relieved when I found out that doing so helps get out your aggressions. I highly recommend it to those that want a bit of relief from their stressful lives.

The things I learned from this are that you must be patient, and my mom and I have a different taste in music. I found myself being embarrassed as my speakers blasted out the familiar songs on my ipod.

Oh well, I love spending time with my family so it was worth it!

My positive thing for the day is that although I may get down on myself sometimes I find a way to pick myself up as soon as possible and get back on the horse.

Love you guys!
Happy January 2nd!

The New Year

I spent the last month in a blurred haze of work, school, and sleep. I quit my job that caused stress and where I was being harassed and although it eased my stress it didn't change the fact that I had two other jobs, and was trying to manage getting through an eating disorder and depression.

I wouldn't want to blame my terrible job for the relapse into an eating disorder, but I think it played a big part. So many times over the past couple of months I have debated sharing my experience with friends about anorexia, bulimia, gym addiction, and other...less than sane ways of losing weight.

With the year coming to a close, and a new one in sight I decided that I needed to take time to work on myself, and to get up the guts to share my experiences in the hopes of not only helping myself but others.

It was through media, and the pressures of being a girl that was surrounded by friends getting married and me not ever being in a relationship that drove me from my healthy living, and healthy ways of losing weight into a dangerous road of starvation, overexertion, and depression.

With every pound that I lost I would get compliments on my appearance. This constant support and the fact that I hit a plateau in my weight loss made me feel like I needed to find a new way to lose the weight that just didn't want to come off.

I began to work out a minimum of 2 hours a day, and would eat under 500 calories. I would water log myself everyday, and lay in bed with an empty stomach and an even emptier soul. I could see my personality slipping away, and I wanted to change, but not until I reached my goal and looked like the girls you see in the magazine.

It was a thrown out hip, and an emotional breakdown that led to me lying on my bathroom floor after trying to throw up that made me realize I needed to change while there was still time for me.

This wasn't a talk I was looking forward to having with my family, but I knew it needed to happen. I remember her in her bathroom getting ready for bed. I sad on her cold porcelain tub and closed the door behind me so my dad wouldn't see me as I bawled. I told her everything, and we decided it was time to get help.

Therapy, anti-depressants, and exercise have led me to a point where I can eat food again and not regret every calorie that goes into my mouth. Unfortunately weight gain was inevitable, and because of it I've become embarrassed the person I've once again become. It was only 5 or 10 pounds but a whopping 20 and I sit in bed staring at the clock this very second wondering what this new year will bring. I haven't been this weight for almost 2 years, and a part of me feels SO desperate for a new life, and another part is thankful for the fact that although I may be heftier I am definitely healthier as well.

This new year is going to bring me a lot of experiences. It's undeniable due to the fact that I'm going to be traveling through Europe and the fact that I plan to move to Texas to experience life independently. One thing life and these trials that I still go through EVERY day has taught is that you can't wait for your life to change. You have to take the initiative and do it yourself.

I once told someone that I didn't plan on growing up until I was 20 and the word "teen" wasn't in my age anymore. I see so many things both little and big that have changed for me, and my view on things has changed as well.

I started this blog to share my life and my adventures and, although I don't want to admit it, I think it truly saved my life. I transferred my obsessions to finding something new to do everyday instead of noticing if I ate more than I had normally allowed myself. I didn't do it for those purposes but it's amazing what blessings come out of random things.

I plan on starting my goal again for the new year. I plan on doing something new everyday and writing about it because it DID help me, and I hope it helped others, just as I hope sharing a piece of my disorders may help someone. It's only one goal among many that I hope to complete this year. I took the liberty to write them down, and I hope that you dear reader can help me, encourage me, and be there with me each step of the way.

My Goals for the year 2011...
1. Backpack through Europe and enjoy every part of it. (Even if we end up in horrible conditions)
2. Run a 10k. (If anyone would like to do this with me I would love the help and company)
3. Go on a road trip somewhere either alone or with someone.
4. Find something new that I love about myself each day.
5. Ride a motorcycle.
6. Go snowboarding.
7. Go snowmobiling.
8. Help a stranger.
9. To find the strength inside myself to go back to living a healthy life. (With or without weight loss)
10. Make sure I take advantage of the time I have and tell my loved ones how I feel about them.
11. Walk with my head held high, smile on my face, and shoulders back.
12. Save a portion of my paychecks for retirement.
13. To get closer to my family.
14. To not expect perfection out of myself.

These are my New Years goals, and I hope that everyone takes this time to reflect on your own life. To learn about yourself and what you want is the greatest things anyone can do for themselves.

I love all of you, and I hope that this new year brings about new happiness.

Vegas!

So this past weekend I had an opportunity to go to Vegas to do a few new things. I made my first out of state wedding cake. AND I made it in a hotel room. 2 new things there.



I gambled for the first time...



I tried champagne...



And I had to drive over night with 3 other people in order to make it back for school in the morning. Each of us took shifts, and I'm pretty sure all of us fell asleep at the wheel at least once.



All in all, it was a good weekend. Of course being tired for the rest of the week due to the lack of sleeping all weekend hasn't been the best.

My legs are burning with the fire of a thousand suns

I'm in a jogging class this semester and we had to run on the football field track thing. After the class finished I still had a lot of energy and I decided I would run some more. Unfortunately the track team had started to practice. The only option other than not running was to run the stadium steps.

So I did. Now my legs feel like Lucifer has set them afire. AFIRE I say!

I feel like a champ. I'll have to keep practicing.

This has turned into a blog about cakes...

So I'm making a cake for a wedding, but the bride and groom have been pretty indecisive when it came to the cake flavorings so for the first time I'm doing a taste test. Fingers crossed. They're doing it at my house, and hopefully the cakes taste alright. I can just see them trying to be polite in front of me and the second they get into their cars looking at each other with disgusted looks on their faces.

In all honesty, that might be funny. At least they know what they're getting into.

I also deep cleaned the kitchen. All these valuable skills on my path to wife-hood and mother-dom.

I'm beginning to get sick of cake in general. Overall cake is good, but when you make 16 cakes for a Facilities grand opening and then 9 mini cakes for a taste testing it makes you wonder what you ever saw in the delicious fluffy treat. That last sentence points to me still liking the stuff, but I don't...at least until I try a new flavor.

I tried a peach cake the other day. It was probably one of the most delicious things I'd ever made, due to the fact that I put the cream cheese frosting on while it was still slightly warm so it turned into a sort of glaze and made the cake taste amazing because it soaked up the frosting goodness.

Oh gosh, I'm making myself sick. I've decided if you ever want to get rid of cravings for a type of food, sacrifice your belt notches and just eat a little bit of said craving everyday and in excess. You won't be doing it for very long.

Not so much of a day...

So school started about two weeks ago. I also got another job on top of my job at the food court, and have been getting a cake order every now and then. To say that I'm busy would be an understatement.

The reason I say that it's not so much of a day is because sadly I didn't do anything new...alright if I'm being honest the past month has been a "Not so much of a day" in my do something goal.

I decided I would start doing it again because let's face it, fun little new things are...well fun. Great job at starting it back up huh? This week has been filled with cake this, and school that. Work in the orchard, work in the food court. I need a little adventure, and part of me wants to hop in my car and drive to somewhere new. Two problems.

1. Do to my lack of gas and the fact that I'm saving up my money for a huge month long trip next summer, buying gas to drive somewhere seems like it's a no go.

and 2. Driving alone on a school night, and trying to make it back in time for work at 8 isn't something I want to risk.

Instead I'm going to do something menial and hopefully tons of fun....oh and something I can do in about 10 minutes so I can go to bed at a somewhat reasonable hour.

Let's brainstorm shall we?

Hmmm....

Write a song.

No. I mean, unless I sing about my love for cheese I see no way that, that would be achievable in such a small time frame.

And yes, I really am thinking of these off the top of my head. My witty and stupid sentences are really coming to my head as I'm typing.

OH I know. I'm going to sleep on my bed backwards like Pippi Longstocking.

Wait no...that would be easy for a cartoon character who doesn't need a constant supply of oxygen, but I'm afraid being in such close proximity with blanket, blanket, and more blanket, might cause me to suffocate.

Paint my nails all different colors?

Nope working with food means nothing toxic. Psh, like my lead laced nail polish would cause someone to get sick...oh you really can? No wonder they discontinued my favorite brand. (Just kidding. I have never owned lead nail polish.)

Okay, this is a bust. No, you know what I'm gonna do. I had a friend who was super close when I was little, and we had a birthday get together and she got me this HUGE stuffed dog, that I named Patch. I'm grabbin him and snuggling up close with that baby. Who needs a man when you have a fake dog?!

It may not be all that new, but I haven't done it since I was little. Now, where did I put him. Tonight I'm gonna sleep like a baby. Night everyone!

Day 53=Cake is dangerous

I felt like being nice today and making some treats for my brother to take down with him when he went to see my sister and her friends. So I made strawberry cake balls. I am playing guitar when the phone starts ringing and it's for me. It's my sister and she starts off by saying that you for the cake balls, and then proceeds to ask if they're strawberry. I happily say that yes they are, and she then tells me her friend who is deathly allergic to strawberries has indulged in the cake balls, and is now probably going to have to take him to the hospital...my first thought was "Great, I killed a person with cake balls." My second thought is "Great, now I'm going to have to change my name and go on the run for murder." Then I heard laughing in the background and although it wasn't a joke it must not be to bad. So I apologized and we hung up. If they do end up having to go to the hospital it's gonna be super fun to find out....I've never sent someone to the hospital before.