Analyze this!

So I have found that every night before I doze off into dream world my mind drifts towards my life and how to make myself a better person.

Recently I realized that I have a way of snubbing people off when I feel that I am not wanted. I am so concerned about feeling worth something to people at least enough that I am remembered.

I've looked back on my life and I liked a guy and would text him every now and then. With each occasion we carried on a nice conversation until a few texts in he would say he unfortunately didn't have my number in is phone and wanted to know who it was that he was texting.

To me it meant 1 thing. I jumped to the conclusion that I wasn't remembered because I wasn't worth a thing to this guy. From occurrences like this I came to base my self worth on what others thought of me.

I would be nice to this guy when I felt he remembered me and then snub him off after each time he said he didn't have my number which made me seem bipolar. Through that it made me feel less worth something because he wanted less to do with me.

My point in telling this to the internet community...or at least those that read my blog is that the only one that can decide your worth is in fact yourself.

So what if a person doesn't like you enough to remember you? Out of the thousands of people a day you come in contact with you can't make all of them love you. In fact if you were to meet every person on the planet throughout your life there is a high probability that at least 50% of people won't click with you. It's a fact of life, and this guy although may have been a victim of my misplaced worth, shouldn't have been a part of my life, or my attention.

I can be offended by his actions, but I shouldn't take them to heart because he is the one that missed out on getting to know me, and through this experience I've come to realize that each person has something to offer others. Each person needs a friend, and each person deserves to have those around them lift them up rather then have them doubt themselves.

My point dear readers is that you are all a gift. You may be a blessing in disguise to someone. You are a life changing part in those around you.

You may not realize who you help, and you may never find out who you've helped in this life, but it doesn't matter. The important part of this life is to find yourself happy each night at the things you've accomplished throughout the day.

Think of all the people in the world that you can affect just by keeping your head up, smiling at those around you, and saying hi.

There may be someone out there that feels they aren't loved, but YOUR hello may mean more than you think.

So the things I've learned from my analysis is that you need to...
1. Set your own self worth, and don't let any of the negative influences tear you down.
2. Share your happiness with others, and try to project that happiness to others.
and 3. Be yourself, and if someone doesn't like you, it's there loss, not yours.

I love you guys. Even if I don't say it all the time, each one of you has affected me in some positive way. Just by reading this blog it shows support, and that you care enough about me that you care what is going on in my life.

I hope that sharing my experiences with others helps those around me, and I've always wanted to do service to others. The goal on the top of my list was to use my experiences to help others.

I always wanted to travel the world, and build things for those in desolate places. I wanted to teach English to those that could have a better life for it, and all these big goals made me overlook all the good I can do to those here at home.

Don't let life pass you by. Live each day like it's your last, and share your happiness. Be a beacon to those that are lost, and accept people for who they are, not what you want them to be.

I'll try and say it right this time...

Oeph...finkle lama dama ding dong...or something like that is the new zodiac sign. That's right. I have no idea how to pronounce it but it doesn't take away from the fact that it's spiffy nonetheless. I brought my laptop to work so that I could work on my story during slow times, but alas I forgot to grab my thumb drive this morning and silly me forgot to save a whole whopping 20 pages onto my computer. I don't want to rewrite anything so I have had to resort to other fun things while I wait for people to traverse through this icky weather to get dry cleaning.

Some may laugh that people would venture through the gloom to get a shirt they dropped off a couple days ago. Well apparently everyone believes this is the perfect time to pick it up, so thankfully it hasn't been insanely slow. During those dreadful slow times I've had time to look up the new zodiac info.

Now as most of you can tell I am a Cancer. Emotional, loving, intuitive, moody, touchy and unable to let go of things. Describes me to a T.

This new sign, although not being put into affect for those born before 2009, has gotten me thinking. As I read the qualities of Gemini which is my new sign I felt like I could cross off everything because none of it sounded like me. I mean witty?

This my friends is why I have a blog and why I'm funnier on facebook. I have time to think of scenarios and funny pictures in my head. If I talked about something that was hilarious on here in real life it would sound as bad as an elephant being stuck in my car engine.

Just so you know I spent 10 minutes trying to come up with something witty. My other options could have been:

As nagging as Miley Cyrus, and Justin Bieber having a baby that was determined to start it's own musical career.

As overplayed as the Proactiv commercials on TV.

As bland as the Shane Co diamond radio commercials.

As long winded as Sarah Palin.

...you get my point.

So as I read them and disagreed with the qualities listed I wondered how my previous zodiac could be so spot on. When I was growing did I have these qualities subconsciously forming because I believed that's what I had to be? Was it just a coincidence? Or could it be that there really is something going on with these things we like to call constellations?

It's things like this that have my pondering what's really going on. There are times when I believe that things are fated to happen, and times that I find are simply odd coincidences, or even sheer dumb luck. But the only thing I know for sure is that I don't know the answers to things, I'm not perfect, I get long winded, I'm judgemental, but most important of all is that I'm mortal. I may not be the smartest in the world or even the prettiest, but I share something in common with everyone. We all walk on this planet knowing almost nothing of the infinite knowledge that is out there. We are little bitty ameobas in the span of the universe, but we're living this life together, and I'm glad to be living it with the people I've met along my journey.

Alas I think that adding another zodiac is cool but random just like when they bonked off Pluto from the list of planets. That's like giving a kid a candy bar and letting them take a bite but then taking it away and chucking it at their head before pushing them in the mud. That little kid had so much going for him and then you crush his dreams. Way to go scientists! You ruined Pluto's dreams.


Jerks.

Ding dong the witch is dead!

So I had this really cool thing planned out for today but when I went to go to the store to get some ding dongs I couldn't find any. Not only that but I forgot what ding dongs looked like because I haven't had one in more than 10 years...I think.

So that plan got shot down like a duck during the hunting season.

Instead of that I decided I would just update those that read this on my emotional battles with my body.

Most people have the New Years resolution to lose those pounds packed on during the holiday season but don't get bent out of shape about the food they ate and the way their clothes fit.

Over the holiday season I gained a whopping 20 pounds which was almost half the weight I'd lost over 2 years. I have 2 major fears; gaining back the weight that I'd worked so hard to lose, and losing a loved one.

With all the fears I've gotten over these two still plague my mind almost every day, and from gaining those 20 pounds it launched me back into my depression. I'm doing okay now and I'm down 5 pounds from the beginning of this year, but I still felt and sometimes feel like a failure due to those pounds that have hung over my head.

I decided around mid September that for my sisters birthday I would do a photo shoot that my friend was working on. Through it I've gone to my sisters house and hung out with her, which is something new. When she and I lived together we didn't get along much unless she was dressing me up. Most of the time I was the brat of a younger sister that I'm trying desperately not to be anymore, and the time I've spent with her has really been cool. I love that we are both adults now and that we have the opportunity to live close together and spend time together.

It's a blessing, and through my brother hurting his knee and me wanting to do everything I can to make him feel better I've gotten closer to him as well.

This post had no real direction but I wanted to write down my overwhelming gratitude over the little things I've gotten to take part in over the past few days. It shocks me sometimes that I can be SO sad over something stupid like body image when I am given so many good memories with my family and friends.

I guess what I'm saying is that my positive thing for the day is that I have amazing friends and an even more amazing family.

Never have I ever.

Have you ever chugged a gallon of milk in an hour?
...yeah neither have I. But I hear it makes you sick to the point of making a milk of your own.

Just thought I'd ask.

and no this is not me stalling me having to tell you that I didn't do anything new today...okay it is, but I worked a 15 hour work shift from 7 to 10. The fact that I'm writing this and trying to make complete sentences says something.

My positive thing for the day is that I have working legs.
Night people!

Tortilla chips and Primer!

So I talked about peeling the wallpaper off my kitchen walls, and today it continued with me painting the walls with primer. It was tedious. That's all I'm gonna say. It's new though.

ALSO

My brother did something to his knee and hasn't been able to walk so I wanted to be a caring sister so I was taking care of him, and I decided I'd make him some nachos BUT I didn't just slap some chips and chili on a plate. I don't do that. I have a need to make everything from scratch as much as possible.

I had some tortillas so I cut them into triangles and put them on a cookie sheet and made up some tortilla chips...unfortunately they were flour tortillas and they tasted more like wheat thins then chips, but it was interesting in the nachos. Yummy! :)

So let's count how many new things I did for the day.

1. Primer on the nachos
2. My brother on the wall
3. Taking care of my tortilla chips.

...wait...somethings wrong.

Positive thing for the day: I have the most amazing family.

Screaming customers! Oh my!

So I've had my fair share of meanie pants between my last three jobs, and each time I get a little flustered. Oh ho ho not today though! This man came in to pick up his dry cleaning and when I told him how much it would cost he FLIPPED! Perfectly reasonable to want a cheap price for dry cleaning on 4 silk ties, a pair of dress pants and a dress shirt.

So once we got past that issue he gave me one of those gift cards/credit card things which I've decided I don't like. It didn't go through on our machine which is just dandy so he once again flipped and started yelling at me. Wanna know what I did everyone? I acted like a calm collected human being with a level voice and an attitude of trying to help the man. I mean, he was still a jerk and still yelled at me and claimed I blamed him for the things that happened to him, but I was a good employee!

I would like to officially announce that this is my first time acting like a good employee to customers that yell at me and treat me like I conspired against them.

Moral of the story: Treat customers nice at all times, even when they yell because it only flusters them more and they overreact and you laugh a lot more after they leave.

Oh and he'll be real happy when he finally does get his clothes that he refused to pay for because there were stains that wouldn't come out. Karma people, karma.

Positive thing for the day: After braces I now have a smile to...smile about.

Yummy!

So I was craving...nah, craving isn't the word for it. I was ACHING for a little fresh baked goodness today. I've always made bread with a bread maker, and so I ditched the magical device and put on my apron to make some cinnamon raisin swirl bread. I needed google to do it properly so I searched and searched. Okay so it took me 2 seconds. I found a recipe none the less and made it up. It was kinda nice to get out my aggression as I kneaded the ball of dough. It made 2 loaves and I have to say that it turned out beautiful and super scrumptious. And when I recount this story from now on I'm going to leave out the fact that I wanted to try some bread dough for once.

Now I know why it's not commonly snacked on. My stomach started hurting and was sour so I googled and learned that the yeast creates acid, and alcohol and as it expands it can cause you to get alcohol poisoning if you eat to much.

Learn from my mistakes people.

Do not eat bread dough.

Starting the year off right.

I have lived in this house for almost 10 years. For half my life I have looked at the same walls, furniture, carpets, and practically everything in my house day in and day out. To say it's gotten tiring, and somewhat bland would be an understatement. I've planned on remodeling my bedroom for quite some time but unfortunately need to save my money for my fabulous backpacking trip. So I was doing it in installments but the remodeling came to halt when I didn't have time to do it.

Today I don't have to work until 5 so in light of my need for change my mom and I filled a bucket full of hot soapy water, grabbed some scrapers, and began to strip the wallpaper off the kitchen walls. I was relieved when I found out that doing so helps get out your aggressions. I highly recommend it to those that want a bit of relief from their stressful lives.

The things I learned from this are that you must be patient, and my mom and I have a different taste in music. I found myself being embarrassed as my speakers blasted out the familiar songs on my ipod.

Oh well, I love spending time with my family so it was worth it!

My positive thing for the day is that although I may get down on myself sometimes I find a way to pick myself up as soon as possible and get back on the horse.

Love you guys!
Happy January 2nd!